Monday, August 10, 2009
I don't know if anyone even reads this but this is a way to put into writing how I feel, what I am learning, and my struggles. I way to just get it out and down. It helps to keep a journal of sorts whenever you are on a journey. This is my journal of my journey to trying to become a Proverbs Women.
Tonight is a hard night. I feel as though I'm knocked off my path and by someone I thought would encourage me in my journey. Just when you think you getting better in an area of yourself that you are working on someone you value, trust and love, lets you know, "hey your not doing so good!" Now I'm not saying they mean to and that is their exact words but your left feeling like you have made no progress when you thought you had. You feel as though nothing you do to change and become better is making any difference in the area you thought it would. You feel like giving up.
All I know is that my actions will never be perfect but my heart is in the right place. I can honestly say that. I sit here wondering does anyone know my heart? Is it worth it? Will I ever be enough? Should I even keep trying?
Then a gentle whisper..."I know your heart" says the Lord. "Your enough for me, I died for you. I will give you strength, keep trying, don't give up. I wll never leave you or forsake you. I will not turn away. I will not stop believing in you. I will always love you."
And I am at peace. Maybe not with that person right now but with myself and the Lord. After all this journey can not be about pleasing SOMEONE but about pleasing the ONLY one.
Thank you Lord for searching me and knowing my heart. Help me to become more like you. I'm sorry. I love you.